If you’ve ever been forgiven, especially by someone important to you, for an unskilful decision or out-of-character mistake, you know how powerful that moment can be. But if you’ve been the one to give forgiveness, you know how much more potent the act can be.

Personally, I’ve done some dumb stuff in my past and have been fortunate to receive forgiveness from those closest to me, something I will always be eternally grateful for. These days, I also give it (sometimes challenging for a Scorpio), but I now fully understand how important forgiveness is, not just for relationships, but for my own mental health and fitness.

Unfortunately, many of us waste days, weeks, months, even decades holding onto resentment over someone else’s wrongdoing. In the process, we starve ourselves of the liberating gift of forgiveness, the freedom we can give ourselves. I’ve held grudges for way too long too, and the toll it took on my wellbeing and relationships was, in the end, pointless. Only when I forgave them, did my life begin to improve.

It’s Not Weakness

When we picture high-performing, mentally fit people, we often think of discipline, focus, and resilience. But one of the most powerful and often overlooked traits of the mentally fit is their ability to forgive. Not for others. For themselves and their progress.

Because forgiveness isn’t weakness. It’s not about letting people off the hook. It’s about freeing yourself from the emotional weight that keeps you stuck in the past, and stopping that weight from draining your energy, focus, and vitality.

The Mental Fitness Perspective on Forgiveness

Dr. Gordon Livingston, a psychiatrist and author, once wrote:

“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.”

He saw patients carry anger and resentment for decades, toward family, ex-partners, old colleagues, clinging to pain that didn’t punish the other person, only themselves.

From another, aligning perspective, the Buddhist adage rings true: Holding onto resentment is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else, you are the one who gets burned.

Forgiveness Isn’t Forgetting

Let’s be clear, mental fitness doesn’t mean blind positivity or toxic optimism.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean:

• What they did was okay.
• That you should forget what happened.
• That you allow the behaviour to continue.

It means:

• You stop replaying the same painful story on a loop.
• You choose to take back your energy.
• You no longer give that person, moment, or mistake power over your present or future.

In short: you stop bleeding energy into something you cannot change.

Why Forgiveness Boosts Mental Fitness

Here’s what happens when you forgive:

1. You reclaim your focus.

Instead of dwelling on the past, you free up your mental bandwidth for the present.

2. You reduce stress and inflammation.

Chronic resentment raises cortisol, impairs sleep, and diminishes emotional control.

3. You become emotionally lighter.

Forgiveness doesn’t erase pain, it helps you move forward, where performance and peace live.

4. You grow in emotional discipline.

Forgiveness teaches you to feel pain without being defined by it, a key pillar of moving from a victim to a victor of the circumstances.

The Impact on Your Professional Life

In real estate, business, and life, people will let you down. Deals will fall through. Clients will ghost you. Managers will over-promise and under-deliver.

If you carry every disappointment with you, you’ll burn out. You’ll grow bitter not better. Your performance and presence will suffer.

Mentally fit professionals process pain, extract the lesson, and move forward. Not because it’s easy, because it’s essential.

Mental Fitness Tools to Practice Forgiveness

1. Name the Hurt

You can’t heal what you deny. Write it down:

“This situation/person hurt me because…”

Then ceremoniously burn or tear up the paper to release it. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, it means choosing your peace over your pain.

2.Use the 3R Framework

• Reflect: What’s the lesson I can take from this?
• Reframe: What am I gaining by letting go?
• Release: Take a breath and say, “This no longer controls me.

3.Talk to Someone You Trust

Processing tough emotions with someone safe isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom. Often, talking it out brings clarity and closure.

Final Thought: Forgive to Get Free

Resentment, regret, revenge, they’re all heavy weights we don’t need to carry.

So, ask yourself:

• What pain am I holding onto that no longer serves me?
• Who, or what do I need to forgive to move forward with clarity, energy, and purpose?

Mental fitness isn’t about being perfect. It’s about having the self-respect to face the hard stuff and to keep going and towards what is important to us.

Because forgiveness isn’t just an emotional release. It’s a performance enhancer.

Click here to learn more about Shane Kempton.

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Heuristics and the Game of Snakes and Ladders of the Mind

Willpower is a muscle: How to train for a mentally fit brain 

10 Habits of Mentally Fit People: Do you have these? 

Mental Fitness for Self-Learning and Coaching in Real Estate 

Mental Fitness: More Than Just Positive Thinking 

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